In today’s episode, we’re going to follow up on last week’s episode. In episode #6, we talked about how to get your “round butts and flat guts” and so today, I want to talk about how to get those butts and guts some fun in the sun and at the same time, heat up your love life.
If you’ve been married or with your partner for a longer period of time, you know that it’s all too easy to lose your sexy momentum.
Life tends to get in the way and steal the time we used to spend together when we were dating. Sometimes, a good vacation is all you need to throw sparks into your relationship and get that thing blazing again.
Ruts and Routines
When I think of vacations now, I think of great food, beautiful beaches, fresh coconut, and hot sex on repeat.
But let me tell you, it wasn’t always like that.
As I talked about in the very first episode of this podcast, my husband and I reconnected 11 years ago. At the time, I had 2 girls, ages 3 and 2 and he had teen boys.
If you have children, you know that connecting sexually with kids around can be quite a challenge.
I just knew that when we got married, it was going to be nonstop hot, all the time.
Yeah, not so much.
Life happened. We got busy with the kids and with careers and the next thing I knew, we were both exhausted and skipping connecting with each other on a deep level.
We weren’t purposely avoiding each other; it was just the daily stuff like school drop-offs, homework, baths, and all the rest that kept getting in our way and kept us tired.
A Vacation for Mom and Dad
So here we were, 10 years into our marriage and we had lost a lot of the passion we had experienced early in our relationship.
We also had not been away together on a nice vacation in what seemed like forever. Kids, remember?
But we decided we were going to just make plans and get away.
We needed time away from school routines, work, and all the daily activities in order to focus on each other.
We took off for Hawaii and it was amazing. Our resort was located on the beach and it was gorgeous.
Once we checked in with the kids and knew that they were okay, we just absolutely relaxed and began to soak it all in. I began to really focus on my husband. Which was a lot easier without any kids around.
When the Spark Is Gone
I have many friends who regularly get away with their spouse for a vacation and I think it’s great.
If that’s you, then awesome! Keep it up!
But that wasn’t us. Vacations were too stressful and many times, we ended up just not going at all. We had even pretty much stopped having date nights. Again, all because we didn’t want to leave the kids or have to ask others to care for them.
It’s not that we weren’t having sex; we were. But something was missing. I wasn’t flirting with my husband as much anymore and he wasn’t flirting with me either.
There wasn’t anything majorly wrong with our marriage. We didn’t fight. We got along really well.
It’s just that the spark was gone.
Rediscovering My True Self
I don’t know about you, but kids have done a number on me.
I used to be funny and witty and a ton of fun. And as the years rolled by, I felt like I was losing those parts of myself. I didn’t like it and I wanted myself back.
I decided that the beach in Hawaii was the best place to look for that girl I wanted back in my life. Palm trees, crashing waves, and the ocean breeze helped me loosen up and relax.
I was going to allow myself to feel all those old feelings of sexiness and I was going to accept myself for who I was. I was going to live in freedom.
Showing Appreciation to My Husband
This wasn’t all about me though.
I wanted my husband to know that I loved him and how much I appreciated everything he does for me and our kids.
I wanted to show him.
No More Boring Vacations
Something about the exotic locale, about being in a place where nobody knew us, caused me to lose all my inhibitions.
We visited a beautiful waterfall on our second day there and I’m telling you, it was an unforgettable afternoon and evening. *wink*
We had many more memorable moments while we were there and I knew, this is what vacation should be like! Vacations without kids, that is.
If you’re going to go to all the trouble of scheduling a vacation, saving the money, arranging for flights and hotels, and figuring out childcare, then for heaven’s sake, you ought to enjoy yourself!
How Long Has It Been?
Now I want to ask you, how long has it been since you reconnected with your partner?
If you had to think about your answer, it’s been too long!
Go ahead, book a vacation now. If your budget or schedule won’t allow for a full-blown vacation right now, how about a staycation?
And if even that won’t work for you, then farm those kids out to the grandparents or friends, offer to do the same for them, and make your marriage or relationship a top priority.
Once you get away to some beautiful location, (or your bedroom if you’re staying home) be committed to trying some new things.
Before your time away, write a list of things you’d like to try and when you get settled in and relaxed, read your lists.
I never drink but when we’re on vacation, but sometimes have a couple of drinks just to keep me loose, relaxed and uninhibited.
Figure out what you need to feel free. And remember that your partner doesn’t know what you don’t tell them. So don’t hold back.
Share your thoughts. Share your struggles. Share your desires.
And watch out for that Hawaii 5-OH!